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[unapparent]

[ it takes her some time to reply. ]

I see.

[ only she can’t think about it for too long, with how the implications of it ripple outward, touching helaena and, eventually, her granddaughter. ]

It would seem our worlds differ beyond the obvious.

[break]

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's fucked up in different ways. Like AIDS, and cigarettes.

[unapparent]

You’ve nothing to apologise for.

Do you prefer this place to your home?

[break]

Easy yes, but for selfish reasons.

[unapparent]

Then I’m glad for you, truly. I keep being told one should indulge in selfishness, on occasion.

[ not that she’s convinced but, you know, the sentiment’s out there. ]

[break]

I think it's important for a full life. If you haven't been doing that then it sounds you've got a lot of selfishness saved up.

[unapparent]

I am not so pious, Daniel.

The price of a queen’s selfishness is high, and I should not like to pay it again.

[break]

With respect, my lady, you're not a queen here.

[unapparent]

Yet that is all I’ve been, since I was a girl.

[ she doesn’t know how to stop. ]

[break]

Sure. Think the distinction is: you don't have responsibilities now. Who are you without those? Maybe you're still queenly. Gotta practice asking yourself what you want instead of what you think you should want.

Tell me something small you hated about being queen. Tight shoes, talking about taxes, getting up at sunrise.

[unapparent]

You're quite the writer.

[ compelling, clear. it's a genuine observation, though it's obviously intended to stall. excavating the truthful pieces of herself takes time. ]

I mislike how the castle keep is never clean. It's gone to the rats.

[break]

[ refusing to get distracted by flattery. still very flattered regardless. ]

Not a problem here. Not your problem here, anyway, since some of these parties seem to get pretty messy.

[unapparent]

I imagine they do.

[ she obviously hasn't attended any since the night of the wolf, but his answer gives her an idea to guide this discussion elsewhere. ]

Have you indulged?

[break]

Big question. You should get into journalism.

The binge drinking Great Gatsby bullshit, the BDSM nightclub, that's not my scene. But sure, I indulge. Napping by the lake, smoking, expensive food. Might even have some stuff going on that isn't fit reading for the eyes of a queen.

[unapparent]

[ she hadn’t thought of it like that. small indulgences, to start. ]

"Stuff" that affects your preference for this place, mayhaps.

[break]

I've had the pleasure and privilege of developing relationships here that, I dunno if they'd survive if we left. Love's my big indulgence, my selfish reason.

[unapparent]

Then you are right to treasure it for as long as you have it.

[ there’s no comfort to be offered, when she does not believe love can survive under all conditions, however brutal. it didn’t for her. ]